It's Official: Yes, I Am a Whore

So, I have been thinking lately (surprising, I know). I am ready to be in a relationship, finally. Yup, that's right, dykes! Shannon is ready to date after three years of the single life.

I spent all that time getting to know myself, but hey, a girl's got needs. We all know how Shannon likes to get it on.

But to that end, three years girlfriendless, but not sexless, means that there simply must have been a lot of random women. A WHOLE lot. But, with so many drunken, passion filled nights, how's a girl to know how many people she's fucked? Well, thank goodness for modern technology! Of course, the logical thing to do in this situation is to break out the old cell phones.

I spent three hours this afternoon going through several phones from the last three years (luckily I keep them rather than throwing them out), and meticulously counting through the address books, happening upon entries like "girl from the beach- closet case" and "Married but hot in the sack." After all of this, I came up with a MONSTROUS number, dykes. I have slept with 287 women in approximately the last three years. At first, I thought "WHOA, PLAYA!" But, then I thought: I am OMFG A TOTAL WHORE! I have always hated that stereotype about gay people. And here I am, living it out. So, dykes, what does this say about me? Would you date someone with that kind of track record? Or is it ok?