Monday, November 18, 2013

Single Is Ok. Really. And Homophobic Doctors Suck.

Heya Lady Lickerz!

It's Been awhile. Again. I know. I'm Sorry.

Anyway, guess what happened to me? I had an OMFG homophobic doctor

who kept asking me about sleeping with men and if I was sure I didn't need birth control and all kinds of crazy shit.

I mean, Oh em gee guyz, all I went in for was a Pap Smear.

And that is likely why all hell broke loose. The bitch acted like because I am a lesbian I couldn't have possibly have ever had a pap smear before, even though I am 32 goddamned years old. Then, she proceeded to talk about Birth Control.

Though I had repeatedly assured her that men were nowhere in my past or future, she plowed on as if I hadn't spoken. I know that this is not standard procedure here at this supposedly LGBTQ affirming clinic, because I have seen other doctors there, and this line of thought/questioning has never happened. I will be complaining to my therapist about it tomorrow.

Well Then, Lesbos! 
Now that my doctor rant is out of the way, on to the point of this post. I am still single.

But you know what? That's okay. Really. I am doing just fine. However, I have made some choices about what happens when I do finally go out on that all important next lesbian date.

Firstly, I am gonna relax and have a good time. I am looking for happily ever after, but, if she isn't it, that is okay too. Remember, being single is okay.

Secondly, letting well- meaning friends in too early is, on the other hand, not okay. I get to decide when they get to meet my new lady, not them. Friends can often be the worst enemy of a new relationship. All in all, just have a good time at life, lesbos! Kapeesh? Until next time!! Muah!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Dating, Fitness, And Other Life Jazz

Heya, lady lovers! Well, I said I was back, and I meant it. I hope you all survived those few months without me without spontaneously combusting. But, now that I am back, my brain has had many light bulb moments when it comes to this place. 

You see, beautiful queers, I had forgotten how much I had missed writing this blog until I sat down, and, you know, WROTE. I think I just needed to get to that settled headspace where I could just churn it all out like I used to, though, and I needed to take time to get there, and that's ok. 

Well, aside from the stuff I mentioned before, I am totally committed to getting things back together, now that I am in a place to do it. I am now out of what had begun to turn into a toxic relationship with a total 

No, seriously, girl fags, I let myself go in my absence here. I had lost all of my self- esteem somehow, and wound up with this chic who controlled the fuck outta me. She even took my bed off its beautiful frame, and said that was the only way she'd stay over. There was other stuff as well, of course, and eventually, I broke it off with her. After that, I decided to do some SOUL SEARCHING.

Now, I am totally on a fitness kick, and I am just enjoying being single. Remember how OMFG every. single. post. seemed to be about finding the right girl or thinking I had found the right girl, only to have to tell y'all about (another) break up in the next post? Well, no more! I am working on me, homosexuelles, and there ain't nothing wrong with that. 

I am eating right, exercising, and loving myself more than ever. That brings me to the reason for this post, m'ladies. Ever get to where it feels like you're hunting for love, and it feels like finding it is OMFG THE ONLY THING that will make you happy?

Now listen to me, lesbos. There's a reason looking for happiness in that way never works. It's because you have to be happy single before you can be happy coupled. Now, for reals. Hear me out, dykes, because I know what I am talking about here. Know why so many queerelles go Uhaulin' off into the sunset, only to break up later?

Aside from the obvious- they likely moved too fast, too soon- the more important part is this: they weren't happy with themselves. Nah, for real, they weren't. Believe me, I've done it. Take my advice, join me on this self- improvement kick before you go hunting for Ms. Right. You know, become more well- read, or more in- tune with yourself and who you are.

I wish I'd had some too- nosy blogger to tell me this a few months ago. Perhaps I'd have not been through some of what I've been through. 

What's that? You did all this while I was away, you say? Well then! I guess you're all set. Not that it's any of my damn business what any of you lady lovin' ladies do with yourselves, but still, take my advice, no matter where ya are in this journey called life, looking for love rarely ends in anything but heartache. Let Cupid strike you when you're not looking. 

I'm not shitting you, dykes, when I say it saves a lot of heartache. Happy living!

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Guess Who's Back, Lesbos!

I just took a long, unexplained absence, lovelies. Apologies. I do hope you all


I wasn't neglecting you deliberately. I have had such a whirlwind life recently. Firstly I have Moved 

three times in the last year. One of said moves included a major relocation, but you guys already know that. Never fear, though! I am finally getting settled into an OMFG GORGEOUS apartment. 

(no, this isn't my apartment, but I promise mine is prettier!)

I deserve it, too, queermos. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say I had some *ahem* interesting times before life settled down and I got my own place. Said times included living with an OMFG CREEPY CRAZY Mormon chic 

who was rabidly homophobic and eventually wound up stealing money from me. I've also had more failed love affairs since then, one of which ultimately had me updating that ever- present DEALBREAKER list to include no women who live at home and no one with anger/control issues. 

Through all of this, I have been working furiously at Liberal America and Addicting Info, since I am, ya know, as always a

and I now have two platforms from which to rant. And, yes, the names of the sites are hyperlinks, so, click away, 'mos!

All in all, not a bad haul these days, lady gays. Thanks for stickin' with me...I'll be posting more often now that things are more settled!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Have a Gay New Year!

Happy New Year, my lovely lesbionic friends!
Yes, I know, I'm late. And I haven't posted in awhile. 

After this post you will, because I am about to tell you all how to make 2013 the year of the gay! Ok, so some people would say that 2012 was the year of the gay. After all, we got VICTORY IN ALL FOUR BALLOT MEASURE STATES

regarding marriage equality, thus making history! WOOHOO!  

(I like to think I had something to do with that, at least in Maine, since I phone banked there like nobody's business).

Now, aside from these wonderful things that occurred on the equality side of things, did you know that there are ways to make your own life even more gay this year?

Here is a list of things for you to do to have a great, gay new year!


That's right, dykes. Know  how you always see your straight friends posting photos of themselves kissing and whatnot all over social media? Well, guess what. OMFG WE CAN DO IT TOO!

Let everyone in on your girl lovin' ways this year, lovelies!

2. Wear the Rainbow.

I am not saying you need to go around looking like this

but I am saying you can show your 

If you don't wanna go around looking like a dolled up gay Barbie doll, you can always get tasteful- and often non- rainbow- attire at one of the plethora of LGBT pride sites. Most of them support equality with some of their money, too. A good one is Proud Threads. Here is a photo of one of their models in one of their seriously rad t-shirts.

Hey, it even glows in the dark! I swear, I'd snap up half their inventory if I could afford it.

3. Respect Your Elders.

This is one that I am serious as a heart attack about, dykes! These people paved the way with events like Stonewall

that made it possible for it to be so OMFG OK TO BE GAY!  today. Hell, some would even argue that it is fashionable to be gay these days. Sure, we still have our share of problems, but we ain't got nothin' on them. Remember them, respect them, help them.

4. Accessorize!

This kind of ties in with numero uno, but you really can do a little something to make yourself visible even without wearing something gay. Gay up your laptop or smartphone
and you're all set to be visible without even trying! Let's face it, sometimes the looks we get for stuff like that are fun. It's also a great conversation starter. So go ahead and get a stick for your computer or a case for your phone that screams I'm Queer.

5. Go to a Gay Wedding.

No. I am serious. For real. Whether you're one of the brides, a member of the wedding party, or a guest, there's no better way to celebrate the victories of 2012 than to take advantage of newfound rights - or help a happy couple celebrate- than to be there in the flesh in 2013. Think of all the straight weddings you've been to. Time for a gay one! It is sure to be totes fab!

Well dykes, there you have it. Five great ways to make 2013 decidedly