Tuesday, June 21, 2011

My Fat Lesbian Southern Summer is Officially Here!

Well, 'mos, it is after midnight, so that means that it is officially SUMMERTIME IN THE SOUTH. 

You wake up One day in mid- May to Early- June to find your grass dead and brown from the heat, your dog panting and miserable, and your own body soaked head to toe due to the lack of air conditioning in the night. Yup, dykes, it's summertime.

Now, despite the generally disgusting, sweaty, heat addled misery of a typical summer below the Mason Dixon Line, there are some pretty awesome things to look forward to: BBQ parties, Margaritas on deck at expensive restaurants...

But, we all know what the best part of summer is for ANY LESBO:

Now, while obviously filled with copious amounts of joy at the prospect of spending even a little time ogling hotties on the beach in summer, I am also swept with an enormous wave of panic. You see, 'mos, I don't look like the gorgeous, babelicious dykes in the photo above. 

I'm fat. No, really, I am. Nobody wants to see me in a bathing suit, and I sure as hell DO NOT want to be seen in one. You're talking to someone who doesn't even wear shorts in summer, in spite of the almost unbearable heat for several miserable months out of the year here. Seriously. So what's a girl to wear? 

Well, Lesbos, here is Shannon's beach uniform for the year:
Yep, you guessed it: Board Shorts.
You can bet your sweet bippy I won't be looking like this

In them though. Oh well. To complete the ensemble, is, of course, every lesbian's summer wardrobe staple, a white wife beater tank. 

Hey, it might not be typical female beachwear,dykes,but it isn't unusual for us, and, most importantly, I won't scare everyone off the beach. Happy First Day of summer, Lovely Lessies!


  1. Regardless of what you look like in the beach attire rest assured they'll be someone, somewhere looking at you in the same way that you are looking at the 'dykes on the beach'. :)

  2. Oh hell, throw the shackles off and sport that bikini! I bet you're hotter than you think! ;)

  3. Awwww thanks Sex, Drugs... and Renee!

    Nah, the board shorts will suffice. Going on a raw foods diet at the end of the summer. Easier to maintain then, and I'll have the moolah to keep it up!

    Thanks for reading guys!

  4. Sex, Drugs and Renee? Bwahahaha!

    A raw foods diet??? Sounds fabulous! LOL! I'll stay fat, thanks! ;)

  5. Haha I was referring to Sex, Drugs, and Bacon, Renee. Was just too lazy to type it out!

    And haha raw foods don't just make you lose weight, they cleanse you.