Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 7: The Later in Life Lesbian

Well, here's something a little different for the 7th installment in our Dykin' It Up series, 'mos. Today, we are going to talk about the Later In Life Lesbian.

Ok, dykes. I admit it. I rarely think of these lovely ladies who wait well into adulthood to come out. I am one of those authentic, born this way gays who couldn't fathom being with a man. To that end, the thought never crosses my  mind. I've dated three women who sorta kinda had this story, and all three times it was a disaster, so I wrote off the possibility of it working. However, a few days ago, a great, big, glaring light bulb came on.

(shocking I know)

I ran across a totally awesome blog by a truly rad later in life lesbian named Mary. She is the proprietor of Gay Girl Dating Coach, and this post grabbed me so much that I left several posts on her blog, as well as directed a couple of buddies in the same boat to her, and, of course, I am dedicating this post to her, because I think she offers a very healthy perspective on this issue. Most traditional, lifelong gays, including myself, have a hard time with dating someone whose story is so vastly different, and that's ok. As Mary says, we all take our own paths. However, there is a way to voice things without hurting others. Mary calls the dykes who turn their noses up in a rude way Mean Girls.

And, in a way, she is right. We traditional gays have a sense of what I like to call "gay elitism," simply because we knew earlier, and we are suspicious of those who do not fit. She spoke of a hurtful comment left where she was accused of being LESS OF A LESBIAN.

I was a bit taken aback at that, because, no matter the issues I might have dating wise, I know quite a few later in life lesbians who are just as dykey as I am, so this assertion based upon one's past is patently false. Moral of the story: we're all different. Don't hate. Don't judge. Just do you. We're all dykes, and we're all in this together.

And, oh yeah, her totally fab blog is going into my side bar here, so read it, dammit! And like her Facebook Page. You won't be sorry! 

Dharun Ravi: Rightfully Convicted or Unfairly Sacrificed?

Alrighty, Queermosexuals, I couldn't keep my mouth shut on this one. This is hardly a political blog, but, sometimes, in the middle of this culture war, gay life gets more than a little political for all of us (or rather, it does if you are responsible and doing your part). So, to that end, this blog post will be devoted to the serving of justice for one of our many dearly departed brethren, Tyler Clementi. 

And Yes, I am posting Tyler with his violin, because I want everyone reading this to remember him that way, to remember what an amazingly talented young man we lost. I also want people to see him as a person, not as a martyr or a political pawn. Now, that being said, on to the subject of the title- his Tormentor, Dharun Ravi. 

In what later became known as the Rutgers Spycam Case, Dharun Ravi invaded his roommate's private encounter with a webcam, thus, outing him as homosexual. Anyone who has ever been outed knows what that can do to you, and what it can cost you. Therefore, I personally absolutely believe that the next event- Tyler's jumping from the George Washington bridge in one of the most high profile LGBT suicides ever- had a direct correlation to what Ravi did. 

However, many people beg to differ. They say that Ravi holds no role or responsibility, that what he did was a prank gone horribly wrong, that he holds no responsibility in Tyler Clement's death. I obviously disagree. For one, this was not a "prank." This was a deliberate effort, to, for whatever reason, humiliate his gay roommate. Hence, the bias intimidation charges are definitely legitimate. Anyone with a brain knows that this would never have been an issue at all had Tyler been straight. As almost anyone reading this blog knows, nobody ever humiliates anyone for being heterosexual. 

But Ravi's supporters are calling us a lynch mob out for blood, and trying to paint Ravi as a sacrificial lamb in a situation that has long been out of control. To some degree, that may be true. We rarely have names, faces, and evidence to be able to prosecute these cases. When we finally get one where we know who is responsible and can prove it, we go for the jugular. 

I'll be honest. I sat the fence for a minute. As I participated in Dharun Ravi's digital lynching, I wondered if I was doing the right thing, if this was just a college kid in over his head who could not possibly have known what his moment of fun was going to land him. Then I watched this video.

The kid, even after all this time, paints himself as a victim, deflects blame, and essentially shows zero remorse for what he has done. So, in short, yes, the verdict was right. Guilty on all counts, including bias intimidation. Rest in peace, Tyler. Justice was served.

It's My Birthday, Y'all!

Yup, Lovelies, I am turning thirty- one today. Blech! Gettin' old. I mean it this time. In fact

has been steadily stalking my email inboxes. Also, I found gasp! yet another gray hair

just a few weeks ago, putting my grand total up to two. However...never fear!

Shannon is giving herself the best birthday gift of all: the gift of 

Let me tell ya lovelies, this is a much needed gift, because my anti- theist RAGE has been consuming me in epic proportions lately. This is unsurprising, because as we all know by now..

SHANNON HATES RELIGION.

However, since I do not have the power to deprogram the world's theists, but can hardly tolerate completely ignoring them, I have done the next best thing, and given myself the gift of secular humanism.

Same thing as atheism, minus the need for rage, and with a bonafide Humanist Manifesto that is a perfectly wonderful way to answer the questions about morals and values to theists, and great ways to keep from going all nutso on them. This was greatly needed. Happy Birthday to me indeed. I do recommend reading the Manifesto linked here, dykes. I promise you, better than any false holy book, guaranteed. Morality minus the dieties and the guilt. Sounds good to me!

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 6: A Different Kind of Dyke Relationship

Yup, you guessed it! Time for another series post, lovelies! This time, we are going to discuss...wait for it.. Open Relationships.

Uncomfortable subject for some, yes I know. However, I have done it before, so I am finding myself wondering...

WHY THE HELL DID IT SUDDENLY BECOME A DEAL BREAKER?

Then.. a light bulb went on.

Yup,lessies, I suddenly realized in a flash...

It doesn't need to be a deal breaker anymore. 

There is no reason for it. Back in the day, after trying this, I had OMFG TERRIBLE SELF ESTEEM because the relationship did not work out. I figured it was that old green- eyed monster rearing its ugly head.

But then, I realized it wasn't that at all. It was that I, and my primary partner at the time, were not mature enough to follow the rules. That was a long time ago, though, and things are different now. I am all grown up and confident and know what I want and that jazz. So, dykes, I present to you...

Shannon's Rules for the Successful Open Relationship!

1) NO MEN. 

There are many valid reasons for this, but, since we are dykes, chances are this would be a non issue anyway.

2)No Kissing On The Mouth

This is an easy way to make sure that the most intimate of expressions of affection is reserved just for the two of us. (after all, we gotta keep something that is just ours, right?)

3) ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!

This one is a no brainer, especially with the potential to fuck around with that many people. 

4) No Repeating Tricks

We get to have each one once, but that's it. Too much potential for feelings to develop otherwise.

5) No sharing our toys! 

Those remain between us. If you want to use toys with tricks, get some that we don't use together. While we are at it, no friends, relatives, or anyone we know..AWKWARD!!!

Well, that's about it, dykes! We CAN have healthy, loving open relationships if we just set down the guidelines first. In fact some of the most loving relationships I know of are open. Could it be that...wait for it..

MONOGAMY IS NEW.

Yup, you heard me right, dykes. Society tells us now that marriages and relationships are supposed to be monogamous, but it wasn't always that way. Here are just a few definitions of "marriage" that have been true over the years:

So, with all these different definitions over the course of history, why the hell should we stick to one? Sounds to me like the same shit the 'phobes say. I, for one, refuse to follow their rules. I've made my own, and hey, exploration is fun! So, whataya think, lesbos? Open or monogamous? I can go either way, myself, now, and what a freeing realization that is. Opens up a whole other world of dating (pun intended).

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do....

But sometimes you gotta do it. Yup, you heard me right, lessies. Shannon is single again. 

It wasn't easy to do, and originally it was just an *ahem* break, if you will, but the way it turned out, it seemed that there were too many of my aforementioned dealbreakers that this person embodied that were never going to go away. 

And, of course, there was also the meddling ex 

who had my now ex girl's Facebook login information and used said information to cruise my page, pump me for information, and basically became 

as such people usually do in these situations. And I was just supposed to be OMFG TOTALLY OK WITH THIS. I also have reason to believe she had access to financial information as well. I am far from an OMFG SUPER DUPER CONTROLLING AND DEMANDING girlfriend, but I do have standards about respect and what I find to be acceptable in relationships, and too much of that was violated in this situation to really go on. Was it difficult? Of course. Was it for the best? Without a doubt. So, freethinking, childless lesbians, hit me up. Shannon is on the market again.

Closets, Closets, Closets, OH MY!

Alrighty, 'mosexuals, the title says it all. Y'all know I'm out and proud, have been for sixteen years, and wouldn't have it any other way, no matter what hardships I might have endured, because as we all know 

However, something we never really discuss is the fact that there are many different kinds of closets. One can be out in one aspect of her life, and closeted in another. Now, let's discuss the different kinds of closets, shall we?

First, we have the INTERNET CLOSET.

You know what I'm talking about, dykes. It's that person that is supposedly out and proud, but insists that if anything gay makes it into that facebook timeline or twitter feed, their life is simply OMFG FUCKING OVER! She can tell all kinds of folks she's gay, just not those people. 

The second closet is a common one,and pretty understandable: The 

WORK CLOSET

Now, considering the fact that you can still be fired for being gay in twenty- nine states and in thirty- four for being transgender, this one gets a pass. We are not all fortunate enough to work for LGBT friendly employers, and it is honestly often more trouble than it's worth to come out at work.

This next closet annoys me to no end. The dreaded

FAMILY CLOSET

This one annoys me because it affects so many people. You are hiding a part of yourself from the people who love you the most, and hey, let's face it- they raised you. They probably already know anyway. And, furthermore, like anyone else, if the bitches don't take it well, that is their problem, not yours. You have your Rainbow Family to support you. 

After all, where do you think the term "family" for the LGBT community came from? Because we are your family when your blood relatives won't be. 

Last, but certainly not least, my lovelies, we have what I like to refer to as the 

BACK HOME CLOSET

This is an all too familiar story for many queer identified people. You know the drill, lessies. You go off to college or move to a big city and are totally out in your life there, but, the problem is, nobody from where you came from knows a thing about your new gay life. You continue to hide it, when you go back for say, the dreaded

All of a sudden, you go back in time, to being that scared little girl you always were, who hid the deepest, truest part of herself. But why? Why do you care what these people think? You have a new life now. The fact that you still hide who you are from them means you most certainly do care, and that's a damn shame.

The point is, lovely lesbos, a closet is a closet is a closet, no matter to what degree, or it comes in. You cannot claim the title of OUT when you aren't. End of story. So, in short, 

COME OUT, COME OUT, WHERE EVER YOU ARE!

Equality Rocks, But Haters Gon' Hate

Hey Hey! Well it's been almost two weeks since the last post. That is because gasp! for OMFG THE FIRST TIME EVER I was asked to collaborate with another queer blogger. dykeroadbaby, the proprietor of Dyke Road: The Online Lesbian Journal, asked me to collaborate with her on a coming out post. So, in essence, I wanted to give that a chance to get some hits before we moved on to another post. 


At any rate, 'mos, OH MY! What a lot we have to post about this week. It has been one awesome week for Queer Equality! 

The Huffington Post's Gay Voices Section posted some most wonderful news this week! Firstly, the haters from California who got the gay marriage bill repealed in 2008 finally learned that gasp! No matter how hard they try, they cannot legislate their hate by breaking the law and holding illegal votes on the basic civil rights of a minority. Alas, the 9th Circuit Court ruled that gay marriage ban Prop 8 aka Prop H8 is Unconstitutional. 

Then, as if that weren't the best news ever with regards to what we have been waiting for with bigots using church money to vote on our rights, we got another treat!

With a 55-43 winning vote, Washington State becomes the seventh to legalize Marriage Equality.

Perhaps the best part of this was the recording of one of the most moving Marriage Equality Senate Floor speeches from gasp! a GOP lawmaker who has a queer daughter. Get out your tissues for this one, 'mos. You'll need them. 

So, it's been a great time to be queer this week, even beyond our usual radness. However, as always, haters gonna hate.

The first order of hatred comes from an asinine group of irrational mothers calling themselves ONE MILLION MOMS(though in actuality there are only about 40,000 of them) that decided to hate on JCPenney's decision to hire the adorable Ellen Degeneres

because she is gay. Now, this group is a fringe arm of the anti gay terrorist hate group American Family Association, which is, of course, nothing but a bunch of hateful religious zealots. They demanded that JCPenney gasp! fire Ellen. I refuse to link to such a hateful website on this blog, but I DO give you the video of Ellen's awesome response. 

As always, she is simply brilliant! And the icing on the cake is that JCPenney stood behind her, showing that even large corporations no longer cave to blatant bigotry in the name of a few extra dollars. Show JCPenney they made the right decision, and that we are on the right side, and that we support them, and Ellen, by joining One Million Ellen Degeneres Fans Supporting JCPenney if you have a facebook account. Perhaps the most shocking defense of all comes from none other than the Fox News Opinion pundit, Mr. Bill O'Reilly. 

Most shocking, but I guess everyone has their days, so a kudos to him for this one. Thanks, Bill-O. 

And ahh, last but not least, we have the tale of one Roland Martin 

sending homophobic tweets during the Super Bowl. However, he too, got his comeuppance, as CNN suspended him indefinitely, citing the tweets as "regrettable."

So, all in all dykes, it's been quite a week in Queer Land! Looks like its Queers 4, 'phobes nil! Special congratulations to the folks in the states with advancements in Marriage Equality progress, and may we all join you soon!

WHEW! What a post! We might be getting a little political from now on out dykes, because, as you all well know, I am all about the cause. Promise we will still have massive amounts of fun, though! Till next time...

VIVA EQUALITY!

Post News and Link Credits: Straight.com, Huffington Post