And yes, it is more than just mood swings. I have the most severe kind, too, which means one moment I could be in the throes of almost delusional mania, and in a soul- crushing depression the next.
And I have been this way for as long as I can remember.I have been in and out of hospitals for ten years, and I only fear it will get worse. Sometimes I wonder what kind of life this is dykes, because sometimes
Which is probably why I have attempted suicide 6 times in the last 15 years.
So I know I have the capacity for that kind of behavior, which is why I am telling you guys this, something I never thought I'd write on this blog.
This week, some things happened that made my moods spin completely out of control. I actually thought of ending it all, then remembered that I purged all weapons from my possession.
I didn't trust myself after my last episode, so I got rid of them. I also have no drugs with any sort of lethal capacity.
As I am sure you can all imagine, I was OMFG WROUGHT WITH FRUSTRATION! at my inability to terminate my existence at once. No wonder they don't let crazy people have weapons and pills and shit. No telling what we might do. But, alas, this, too, passed.
So, for now, I put up with this and live to see another day. Hopefully, I continue to make it through an already difficult world with more burdens than many have to bear. Until then... Keep reading, 'mos. If anyone understands, I know it's my rainbow family.