Thursday, January 19, 2012

Yup, You Guys Guessed It. I'm Crazy.

And I don't mean in that OMFG THAT CHICK IS SOOO OUT THERE! way. I mean, like totes certifiable with the paperwork to prove it. You see, dykes, something I conveniently left out is that I have Type 1 Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder. 

And yes, it is more than just mood swings. I have the most severe kind, too, which means one moment I could be in the throes of almost delusional mania, and in a soul- crushing depression the next. 

And I have been this way for as long as I can remember.I have been in and out of hospitals for ten years, and I only fear it will get worse. Sometimes I wonder what kind of life this is dykes, because sometimes

Which is probably why I have attempted suicide 6 times in the last 15 years.

So I know I have the capacity for that kind of behavior, which is why I am telling you guys this,  something I never thought I'd write on this blog.

This week, some things happened that made my moods spin completely out of control. I actually thought of ending it all, then remembered that I purged all weapons from my possession.

I didn't trust myself after my last episode, so I got rid of them. I also have no drugs with any sort of lethal capacity.

As I am sure you can all imagine, I was OMFG WROUGHT WITH FRUSTRATION! at my inability to terminate my existence at once. No wonder they don't let crazy people have weapons and pills and shit. No telling what we might do. But, alas, this, too, passed.

So, for now, I put up with this and live to see another day. Hopefully, I continue to make it through an already difficult world with more burdens than many have to bear. Until then... Keep reading, 'mos. If anyone understands, I know it's my rainbow family. 


  1. Wow. You've written a completely soul-baring post. I'd call it brave, but I think for you it must've just come barreling out — like you were *compelled* to write it because nothing else would do.

    A fiend's 15 y/o daughter is bi-polar and has attempted suicide numerous times. She also cuts and has been bullied at her Christian school.

    You've given me a look into bi-polar-ness that I didn't know about.

    I'm glad you're still here to share your life.

  2. Thanks, Madabip! Yes, it came barreling out. This blog is supposed to be funny, breezy dyke culture, but you'll find a few posts in here that definitely scream "NUTS! LOCK HER UP!" I wanted to let my readers know WHY that sometimes happen. Pretty sure this will not be the last one like this. Thanks for reading!

  3. 'you'll find a few posts in here that definitely scream "NUTS! LOCK HER UP!"'

    That's just because you're a woman, not because you're bipolar.