Saturday, April 16, 2011

Series: Debunking Dyke Myths

Myth #3: Lesbians Hate Bisexual Women

      Ok 'mos, time for a rather serious post. I was just on AfterEllen, and had a most disturbing conversation that forced me and others to examine the prejudice within  the lesbian community against people who should be treated as one of our own: bisexual women. Now, as has already been mentioned in a previous "myth" post, THIS
is simply not what does it for us. Agree?

However, as we are all well aware, there are lady lovin' ladies for whom this occasionally(or more than occasionally) does rock their worlds. And there is nothing wrong with that. And that brings me to the serious part of this post. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual.
But there are some lesbians who have a problem with bisexual women. And this is a problem. Now, I have personally been left on three occasions due to situations surrounding my partners' attraction to men. Not gonna lie, this means that I am more comfortable dating another lesbian rather than a bisexual woman. I also have a sense of resentment toward 'heterosexual privilege' enjoyed by bisexuals who are in heterosexual relationships, especially those of the variety who decide to pass for straight, or choose men over women for the sole purpose of having an easier life. Queerness is cool, and we should all embrace who we are, no matter where we fall on the LGBTQPIA spectrum.

However, after some of the responses in that thread, I can see why some bisexuals may be wary of the queer community. Are some of the reasons for wariness, on both ends, valid? Sure they are. But discounting all bisexuals because you got burned by one woman who happened to be bi is wrong. It is the same bigotry we face from so many straight people, and we are applying it to our own. So, in debunking this myth, I am a little angry, and a lot alarmed, because, in some ways, for some dykes, it  isn't a myth at all. 

So, homogays, what do you suggest we do about this? We fight so much prejudice from  the outside, we hardly have room for it on the inside. I challenge you all to examine yourselves. Are you so hung up on being gay, that you exhibit gay elitist behavior toward other letters in our acronym? I admit to being at least slightly guilty of it, but I am willing to change. Are you?


  1. I don't understand why we feel such a paranoia about being left for a man. What's the difference if your girlfriend breaks up with you to be with someone else? Why do we take it harder when it's to be with a man? How does that affect us at all? It seems like it's just needless insecurity. It's one thing to not want to be with someone who's unsure of their sexual orientation/is experimenting, but not wanting to be with someone because in the event they leave you, it might be for someone of a different gender... that just seems silly.

  2. I think it is reflex, lesbrary. It re enforces the idea that we are supposed to be against men, and it bruises our egos when we are left for someone we cannot possibly compete with. But, personally, I'd like this to change, especially for me, but also for the lesbian community at large.

    As for the experimenting...that is fine, but the problems arise when the experimenters are not upfront about what they are doing. I blame them for the stigma attached to bisexuality. I wish I were debunking a myth, but, indeed, I am not.

  3. Sleep with bisexuls, and you'll get diseases. they spread STDS to an otherwise disease-free populations. Plus do really want to go down on some girl knowing dozens of dudes have shoved their dicks in there or kiss a girl knowing shes had dick in her mouth. GROSS.

  4. @Annaana perpetuating stereotypes..we can never say these things are true about all in a group. ]

  5. Well said Shannon. Annana, you're in idiot.

    I find myself on both sides of that line. I (currently) identify as bi, yet I was disgusted when my ex started dating a guy right after me. Could've been a lot of things other than his gender (he was also my good friend, it started a month after we broke up, and they told me by making out in front of me at a party..) I knew she'd been with guys before, and it never bothered me, but something about her being with a guy after me, and so soon, made me want to vomit.

  6. Ashley, its a touchy subject, and like I mention in the post, I have my own hang ups with it, ya know? But I also recognize that all bisexual women will run off to marry a man and have the 2011 version of a Leave it to Beaver style life. I have to accept, though, if I am going to date them, that yes, their next partner might be a man.Like I said working on that.

    No matter what you identify- that is very personal. Nobody should try to take it away I am fine if people are honest.

  7. Not all* how did I not catch that gross error a looonngg time ago?