Ok, dykes. I admit it. I rarely think of these lovely ladies who wait well into adulthood to come out. I am one of those authentic, born this way gays who couldn't fathom being with a man. To that end, the thought never crosses my mind. I've dated three women who sorta kinda had this story, and all three times it was a disaster, so I wrote off the possibility of it working. However, a few days ago, a great, big, glaring light bulb came on.
(shocking I know)
I ran across a totally awesome blog by a truly rad later in life lesbian named Mary. She is the proprietor of Gay Girl Dating Coach, and this post grabbed me so much that I left several posts on her blog, as well as directed a couple of buddies in the same boat to her, and, of course, I am dedicating this post to her, because I think she offers a very healthy perspective on this issue. Most traditional, lifelong gays, including myself, have a hard time with dating someone whose story is so vastly different, and that's ok. As Mary says, we all take our own paths. However, there is a way to voice things without hurting others. Mary calls the dykes who turn their noses up in a rude way Mean Girls.
And, in a way, she is right. We traditional gays have a sense of what I like to call "gay elitism," simply because we knew earlier, and we are suspicious of those who do not fit. She spoke of a hurtful comment left where she was accused of being LESS OF A LESBIAN.
I was a bit taken aback at that, because, no matter the issues I might have dating wise, I know quite a few later in life lesbians who are just as dykey as I am, so this assertion based upon one's past is patently false. Moral of the story: we're all different. Don't hate. Don't judge. Just do you. We're all dykes, and we're all in this together.
And, oh yeah, her totally fab blog is going into my side bar here, so read it, dammit! And like her Facebook Page. You won't be sorry!
Shannon,
ReplyDeleteSpam me anytime girl! You rock. Thanks for this promo and for sharing my blog. This is a great post and I love the connection with you. I was working with a "later in life" lesbian on Thursday night and she talked about this exact thing happening. I coached her to do a couple of things: 1) be honest on the front end about her background and she'd eliminate the feeling of being dumped by screening out lesbians that don't want to date her because of her background and 2) really own her style and the kind of lesbian she is attracted to at this time in her life.
This conversation has given me some great ideas for my next series of articles - Fantasies that Later In Life Lesbians have... that of course get crushed!
Thanks for such a warm atta girl! Right back at ya!
http://www.gaygirldatingcoach.com
Thanks! I left you a Facebook message in your page inbox as well.
ReplyDeleteI love your site. Anytime I see anything I want to chime in on, I promise I will! I think everyone needs to read it. What an incredible journey.