Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 10: Gaydar. Yes, It's Real

Hello, my dykedellic sisters! Hope you are all having an enjoyable LGBT Pride Season thus far! Best time of the year. It also offers an almost unending supply of Pride Festivals

at which to pick up hot chics if you are a single dyke

like me. But...how do you know if a girl is gay outside super gay environments? 

After all, Pride comes but once a year. The rest of the time, you have to OMFG WORK to find other lady lovin' ladies. Because, unfortunately, thanks to sheer numbers, the next chic you hit on outside the gay bar is probably going to be hopelessly GASP!

STRAIGHT.

(Yes, it's Reese Witherspoon, sue me)

And I think we all know that nothing puts a gay girl on the prowl into a never- ending funk

like hitting on a girl only to find out she's straight. She is off limits for obvious reasons, so this seemingly little detail is a huge deal. But..Never Fear! Gaydar is here.

Yep, you heard me right, dykes. Your gaydar can save the day every time, and you need to use it. Yes, it's real. Y'all know what I'm talkin' about, too. It's that unmistakable 

BLUE STREAK OF RECOGNITION

when you meet a girl and automatically know that she is OMFG QUEER. Doesn't matter if she looks femme

we still know. We always know. Chances are she knows you're queer, too. Yep, gaydar is real. No one knows what it is, we just know that it is. So what are you waiting for? Next time your gaydar goes off, just go for it! After all, the worst she can do is say no...and hey, we're all due for a happy ending...

RIGHT???

So don't let anyone tell you your gaydar is all in your head, lady lovers. It isn't. I promise you. We are almost always right.

GAYDAR IS REAL. USE IT.

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 10: Great Stuff That Every Dyke Should Like

Yo, queermos! It's only been a few days since last we met, and at that time the great, Big, Burning, question was...

Is Shannon in Love ?

Sadly, lessies, the answer to that question is no.

But...never fear! I have a rundown of great internet stuff that should be a staple in the online life of every proud dyke. Firstly, a new find: Ms. Magazine.

(yes the words above are a link to their site)

Meeting all of your woman and feminist needs, this magazine is the one stop shop for all things girl. Pro Woman, Pro LGBT, Pro Choice. Full of fist- pumpin' 

Check it out, I promise you will not be disappointed.

For your second tidbit of dyke- friendly goodness, I give you Rosie Wilby. 

This lady is a smart, hilarious lesbian comedienne extraordinaire. For all you belly- shakin' laughing needs with a queer girl twist, she's it!

Lastly, but certainly not least...drum rooolllll please....

ME.

Yep, lesbos, I am coming out of YouTube Exile. After four year of having no videos on the internet, I now have one up, and many more to come! Here is the first, And you better subscribe, ya hear?!?!?!

So now y'all know what I sound like. ENJOY!

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 9: Where the Bois Are

Yo, girly 'mos! What's shakin'? Something jiggly on someone hot for you, I hope. Well, this week, we're gonna talk about a subculture of the lesbian subculture: 

BOIS.

You know. Studs. Butches. Andros. Masculine of center women loving women. Not only am I one of them, I love dating them, too. This is more than a little unconventional, as anyone reading this blog is probably well aware of. We are used to, most often, seeing 

Butch/Femme

pairings. This makes sense, as we all grew up around straight people, and our relationships, even though we are gay, often mimic what is largely considered to be the norm. Also, another common pairing one sees is

Femme/Femme

This is most likely due to the fact that your average horny, drooling straight guy

fetishizes femme women together via porn. 

So, dykes, where does that leave the rest of us? You know, us bois who love bois.

For some reason, even amongst other lesbians, we are left out in the cold. People say all kinds of things. We've all heard it.

"It doesn't look right."

"You should date a femme."

"Isn't that like dating a man?"

On and on. I get so sick of hearing it. Case in point: I am a stud. I am a boi. I am genderqueer. I bend. And I am attracted to other benders. Gimme a woman in a shirt and tie

over a girl in a dress any day. 

GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

So, that's it in a nutshell, dykes. I am a boyish lessie who loves other boyish lessies. Hit me up if you know where the bois are.

Series: Dykin' It Up:Episode 8: The Unconventionally Conventional Lesbian

Ya know, lovelies, we sure are having a lot of series posts lately, aren't we? But I think the last few have been wildly appropriate. At any rate, welcome to Episode 8! This is inspired by my now active quest for The Perfect Date.

Well, lesbos, it is no secret to anyone who knows me that Shannon has dated a literal PARADE of women over the years. But,alas, for one reason or another, none of these relationships were meant to be. So, after a little while, I decided to take time off from the dating scene and hit the books.

This served me well, because, other than a casual, on again off again situation of convenience and lots of reckless casual sex, I didn't have a girlfriend. I had time to figure out exactly what I wanted in a woman, and I did. Hence, I now have a totally honest and rad OKCUPID PROFILE.

Now, the profile is linked right there,ladies, for anyone single and on the prowl. *wink*

However, there is something that I have been doing wrong, even after figuring out what I want. I have been assuming that I am headed toward settled-ville, a la a 21st century lesbian version of Lloyd and June Cleaver from the old Leave It To Beaver show.

(closest I could find to a lesbian Lloyd and June so live with it)

While, yes, there are many lesbian couples who want the whole OMFG- house- with- a -white- picket- fence- with a 9-5 job and 2.5 kids and a dog....

I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.

In fact, the very idea makes me recoil in horror. Nope, I do not want a conventional lifestyle of imitation heterosexuality, lesbian style. The very idea makes me go

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

And run for the hills. Nope, not for Shannon, dykes. Wanna know what I do want? Well, whether  ya wanna know or not, I am going to tell you. I want, first of all, a gayborhood.

Yep, you heard me right. I'd much prefer a studio in the city surrounded by gay bars, coffee houses full of lesbians and vegan  eateries than a house in the 'burbs.

Also, I want a like- minded, stereotypical dyke. 

That's right! Someone who doesn't care about heteronormative living, but who will hang out with me in juice bars

Go to gay book stores

Talk Queer Feminist Politics

And just generally enjoy being queer in a queer environment sans all the wannabe straight BS that seems to be so prevalent these days. 

I want a sex positive, open to open relationships, out and proud, fight for our rights QUEER WOMAN, not an imitation heterosexual. 

So, there you have it, queermos. I finally found the missing piece to the puzzle of why things weren't working out. It was because I was trying to be conventional, when I am anything but. Or rather, I was trying to do heteronormative conventional, as many gays do. Hey, it works for some people, and I applaud anyone living their truth and their happiness. Fine for them. Not fine for me. I am an unconventionally conventional lesbian, and proud of it. 

HOORAY FOR SELF DISCOVERY!

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 6: A Different Kind of Dyke Relationship

Yup, you guessed it! Time for another series post, lovelies! This time, we are going to discuss...wait for it.. Open Relationships.

Uncomfortable subject for some, yes I know. However, I have done it before, so I am finding myself wondering...

WHY THE HELL DID IT SUDDENLY BECOME A DEAL BREAKER?

Then.. a light bulb went on.

Yup,lessies, I suddenly realized in a flash...

It doesn't need to be a deal breaker anymore. 

There is no reason for it. Back in the day, after trying this, I had OMFG TERRIBLE SELF ESTEEM because the relationship did not work out. I figured it was that old green- eyed monster rearing its ugly head.

But then, I realized it wasn't that at all. It was that I, and my primary partner at the time, were not mature enough to follow the rules. That was a long time ago, though, and things are different now. I am all grown up and confident and know what I want and that jazz. So, dykes, I present to you...

Shannon's Rules for the Successful Open Relationship!

1) NO MEN. 

There are many valid reasons for this, but, since we are dykes, chances are this would be a non issue anyway.

2)No Kissing On The Mouth

This is an easy way to make sure that the most intimate of expressions of affection is reserved just for the two of us. (after all, we gotta keep something that is just ours, right?)

3) ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!

This one is a no brainer, especially with the potential to fuck around with that many people. 

4) No Repeating Tricks

We get to have each one once, but that's it. Too much potential for feelings to develop otherwise.

5) No sharing our toys! 

Those remain between us. If you want to use toys with tricks, get some that we don't use together. While we are at it, no friends, relatives, or anyone we know..AWKWARD!!!

Well, that's about it, dykes! We CAN have healthy, loving open relationships if we just set down the guidelines first. In fact some of the most loving relationships I know of are open. Could it be that...wait for it..

MONOGAMY IS NEW.

Yup, you heard me right, dykes. Society tells us now that marriages and relationships are supposed to be monogamous, but it wasn't always that way. Here are just a few definitions of "marriage" that have been true over the years:

So, with all these different definitions over the course of history, why the hell should we stick to one? Sounds to me like the same shit the 'phobes say. I, for one, refuse to follow their rules. I've made my own, and hey, exploration is fun! So, whataya think, lesbos? Open or monogamous? I can go either way, myself, now, and what a freeing realization that is. Opens up a whole other world of dating (pun intended).

Series: Dykin' It Up:Episode 5: Playa Playa!

Yup, it's that time, lesbos! Another series post. This one is an ongoing issue for us *ahem* Single dykes.

(Photo courtesy of floridagirlswholikegirls.tumblr.com)

We all know what it's like. We're cruisin,' hittin' the bars, the gay dating sites, and just having a good time while looking for, you know, her. The proverbial, ever- illusive

But hey, finding *ahem* her is often a lot harder than one might think. So, instead of fixating on the first girl we meet, sometimes we just wanna play the field.

(Famous Playa from the L Word)

But when does playing the field become OMFG I CHEATED ON MY NEW GIRL??? 

Hard to tell, really. Sometimes you start spending time with someone, and she, or you, or both of you might start considering it a relationship without actually saying that. So, in this instance, what happens to the other girls you were seeing? Do you tell them face to face, or do you simply change your Facebook Relationship Status?

After all, if you don't set this straight, dykes, in a timely, tactful fashion, you might wake up one morning to a horror like THIS:

And honestly wonder which chic did it, and who it is referring to. So, m' ladygays, how do you handle the transition from dating around to being exclusive? Or do you avoid this drama altogether by only dating one girl at a time? Somehow, I think, while the former might be more fun, the latter is certainly a lot less drama.

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 4: Closeted VS. Out

Alrighty, Lesbos, here's another Great Divide post, since, by now, y'all know how I feel about all the crazy division within our own community. But this is a little different; ie, this is a divide I understand. The constant battle between queers who are 

Closeted

vs

Those who have the balls to be OUT.

Now, fags, I do realize that people have their reasons for  being in the closet. There is, of course, the usual reason: RELIGION.

By now, you all know my story, and you know how much complete disdain I have for organized religion of any kind. I do realize, however, that it can be difficult to stop trying to pray your gay away, and even more difficult to prove to your ignorant religious relatives that it cannot be done. So, instead, you keep trying.

The next usual reason is of course fear of losing family and friends.

(See reason #1 for the usual origin of such fears)

So yes, my fellow muff lovers, I do get that various people have their reasons for being closeted. But I also disagree with 99% of them. Furthermore, where there's a will there's a way. If you want to be out and proud, you will. 

(Just one wave of a pride flag in public- that's all you need!)

Now, before you all start yelling and decide I am a horrible, judgmental person, hear me out, mmmk? 

I get that it is OMFG NOT MY DECISION as to when someone comes out. But it is, however, my decision as to how I react to it. I absolutely, positively will not date a closeted woman. Ever. For any reason. 

But on the flip side, they would more than likely not bend to my demands to come out, and I certainly would not bend to their wills to become closeted again. This is usually the consensus when I have this conversation with other openly gay people. However, admittedly, I do not know many closeted people. So, those of you not yet Out, this is your turn to shine. Why are you closeted? Do you plan to come out? If not, why not?

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 3: Butch Bathroom Blues

My butch sisters, this one is for you! For only we can understand the anxiety that comes along with the dreaded visit to the Public Restroom. 


Now,for most female bodied humans, when we've had a few too many beers or our tampons are about to give out This

is a very welcome sign. However, no matter how badly needed, for us less than outwardly effeminate female bodied humans, it is often a panic inducing nightmare.

I cannot tell you how many straight women have positively 

screeched at me for being in the ladies room. Once, one even threatened to call security, and, when she did finally realize I was in the right rest room, she didn't bother to apologize, just glared at me and left. 

So, my boyish looking lesbians, how do we combat the issue of angry straight women who do not think we belong in public restrooms? Of course, the ideal solution is the gender neutral option 

in all public establishments that offer restroom facilities. After all, when you look something like THIS:

it just makes more sense to go ahead and save yourself the hassle and humiliation and possible calls to security by damsels in distress who have branded you a perv before giving you the chance to say, "Hey, I need to change my plug, too." But that is pretty much a pipe dream at the moment.

Which brings me to my personal solution to this problem: TAMPONS.

Yup, you heard me right, butch dykes. We still get periods, and no man would be caught dead going into a ladies' restroom with a visible tampon, no matter what kind of pervert he might be. Not that you really want to go flashing those around, but I swear to you, it works every time. Whether you need it or not, make sure people see it as you are going in there, and all should go much more smoothly than usual.

So, tell me, my beautiful butch sisters, how do you combat this issue? Any stories, ideas, or anything else surrounding gender non- conformity and public restrooms greatly appreciated!