Guess Who's Back, Lesbos!

I just took a long, unexplained absence, lovelies. Apologies. I do hope you all

me.

I wasn't neglecting you deliberately. I have had such a whirlwind life recently. Firstly I have Moved 

three times in the last year. One of said moves included a major relocation, but you guys already know that. Never fear, though! I am finally getting settled into an OMFG GORGEOUS apartment. 

(no, this isn't my apartment, but I promise mine is prettier!)

I deserve it, too, queermos. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say I had some *ahem* interesting times before life settled down and I got my own place. Said times included living with an OMFG CREEPY CRAZY Mormon chic 

who was rabidly homophobic and eventually wound up stealing money from me. I've also had more failed love affairs since then, one of which ultimately had me updating that ever- present DEALBREAKER list to include no women who live at home and no one with anger/control issues. 

Through all of this, I have been working furiously at Liberal America and Addicting Info, since I am, ya know, as always a

and I now have two platforms from which to rant. And, yes, the names of the sites are hyperlinks, so, click away, 'mos!

All in all, not a bad haul these days, lady gays. Thanks for stickin' with me...I'll be posting more often now that things are more settled!

Officially Open

What up lesbos?!? Hope you are all well, and that you had a great

Independence Day

If you live here in America and you celebrate. 

I've had lots going on. Firstly, I've been busy working ALL THE TIME.

I have two writing jobs and a day job, so I am a very busy queermo these days.

On a more interesting note, I've also been 

falling in love.

Which is great, but we are taking it really slow. Also, guess what? For the first time in a long time, I found a woman who shares my views on open relationships. 

So, yes, as of last night, my new girlfriend and I are gasp!

Officially Open.

We have yet to discuss, you know, the all important Rules, though, so  I am not going to do anything with anyone until we have those down pat. This is a huge relief though, lessies, because, of course, as per usual, the relationship is long distance.

Now, this isn't a problem for me, because good things are worth waiting a reasonable amount of time for. Plus, I have changed my San Francisco plans to the closer and more practical gayborhood of Wilton Manors

(actual phot of gorgeous lofts in Wilton Manors!)

in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. While I wait for my lovely lady to be able to move I can go clubbing

and get to know the gayborhood. 

Of course, I'd rather have her there with me. She's awesome, and the thought of being without her for any amount of time makes my heart break. 

However, in the meantime, just because she is that awesome, and we are that sure of our own feelings for one another, I can have the occasional tryst with a pretty girl 

without a shred of guilt. Hell, we'll even talk about it.

How you like them apples, hmmm? I know I like them quite a bit. Who needs monogamy? 

At least for now, I don't. Being in an open relationship does not mean you don't love your partner enough to be faithful. On the contrary, it takes more love and trust than a monogamous relationship to be able to know that you are the only person for your partner, no matter who she shares sexual experiences with. I am glad that I found someone who feels the same. Thanks, babe!

 I, for one, am 

Proud to be Open. 

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 9: Where the Bois Are

Yo, girly 'mos! What's shakin'? Something jiggly on someone hot for you, I hope. Well, this week, we're gonna talk about a subculture of the lesbian subculture: 

BOIS.

You know. Studs. Butches. Andros. Masculine of center women loving women. Not only am I one of them, I love dating them, too. This is more than a little unconventional, as anyone reading this blog is probably well aware of. We are used to, most often, seeing 

Butch/Femme

pairings. This makes sense, as we all grew up around straight people, and our relationships, even though we are gay, often mimic what is largely considered to be the norm. Also, another common pairing one sees is

Femme/Femme

This is most likely due to the fact that your average horny, drooling straight guy

fetishizes femme women together via porn. 

So, dykes, where does that leave the rest of us? You know, us bois who love bois.

For some reason, even amongst other lesbians, we are left out in the cold. People say all kinds of things. We've all heard it.

"It doesn't look right."

"You should date a femme."

"Isn't that like dating a man?"

On and on. I get so sick of hearing it. Case in point: I am a stud. I am a boi. I am genderqueer. I bend. And I am attracted to other benders. Gimme a woman in a shirt and tie

over a girl in a dress any day. 

GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

So, that's it in a nutshell, dykes. I am a boyish lessie who loves other boyish lessies. Hit me up if you know where the bois are.

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 6: A Different Kind of Dyke Relationship

Yup, you guessed it! Time for another series post, lovelies! This time, we are going to discuss...wait for it.. Open Relationships.

Uncomfortable subject for some, yes I know. However, I have done it before, so I am finding myself wondering...

WHY THE HELL DID IT SUDDENLY BECOME A DEAL BREAKER?

Then.. a light bulb went on.

Yup,lessies, I suddenly realized in a flash...

It doesn't need to be a deal breaker anymore. 

There is no reason for it. Back in the day, after trying this, I had OMFG TERRIBLE SELF ESTEEM because the relationship did not work out. I figured it was that old green- eyed monster rearing its ugly head.

But then, I realized it wasn't that at all. It was that I, and my primary partner at the time, were not mature enough to follow the rules. That was a long time ago, though, and things are different now. I am all grown up and confident and know what I want and that jazz. So, dykes, I present to you...

Shannon's Rules for the Successful Open Relationship!

1) NO MEN. 

There are many valid reasons for this, but, since we are dykes, chances are this would be a non issue anyway.

2)No Kissing On The Mouth

This is an easy way to make sure that the most intimate of expressions of affection is reserved just for the two of us. (after all, we gotta keep something that is just ours, right?)

3) ALWAYS USE PROTECTION!

This one is a no brainer, especially with the potential to fuck around with that many people. 

4) No Repeating Tricks

We get to have each one once, but that's it. Too much potential for feelings to develop otherwise.

5) No sharing our toys! 

Those remain between us. If you want to use toys with tricks, get some that we don't use together. While we are at it, no friends, relatives, or anyone we know..AWKWARD!!!

Well, that's about it, dykes! We CAN have healthy, loving open relationships if we just set down the guidelines first. In fact some of the most loving relationships I know of are open. Could it be that...wait for it..

MONOGAMY IS NEW.

Yup, you heard me right, dykes. Society tells us now that marriages and relationships are supposed to be monogamous, but it wasn't always that way. Here are just a few definitions of "marriage" that have been true over the years:

So, with all these different definitions over the course of history, why the hell should we stick to one? Sounds to me like the same shit the 'phobes say. I, for one, refuse to follow their rules. I've made my own, and hey, exploration is fun! So, whataya think, lesbos? Open or monogamous? I can go either way, myself, now, and what a freeing realization that is. Opens up a whole other world of dating (pun intended).

She's Closeted, I'm Out, She's Religious, I'm Not- Dealbreakers!

Yup, lovely lessies, it's that time. Time to discuss what you WILL NOT put up with in a relationship. That isn't to say one needs to be discriminatory, but one does need to have standards. So, I am gonna share my OMFG SUPER DUPER NO NO'S when it comes to dating, and I want you to do the same! 


Here goes! The first one, is, of course, RELIGION.

Now, dykes, anyone who knows me, or has read this blog, knows I have a painful past with organized religion and believe it to be harmful. But that doesn't mean I have not attempted to be open minded on this front. In fact, I once dated..yes...wait for it... a Fundamentalist Baptist.

I loved her enough to allow her to have crosses on our walls at home, and other religious relics, and, once, even use our apartment as a location for a prayer circle. 

But that wasn't enough. The beginning of the end was when she came home with a THREE-FOOT PLASTER JESUS

 which she erected in pride of position in our living room.I told her to get rid of it. She told me our home would be a House of the LORD. Of course that did it for me, and we broke up soon after. Since that debacle, my religion dealbreaker goes something like this:

Religion: Nothing organized or fundamentalist in nature. It is fine to believe in *something,* but you better be able to tell me why it matters to you. "It's the way I was raised," or "because [insert 'holy' document here] says so" doesn't even begin to cut it. Nor do claims of "second births" or "epiphanies." That will only make me question your sanity. 

Dealbreaker #2- Closets. 

Should be self explanatory enough. Keep your shame to yourself, I want no part of it. There are very few justifiable reasons for not coming out, and I won't kowtow to your bullshit after nearly 16 years of being Out and Proud.

Now, this next one usually gets me a lot of flack: KIDS.

Don't want 'em, don't wanna raise yours. Now, do not confuse this with my OMFG HATING BABIES!!! I do not hate children. I simply have no desire to be a mother. Simple enough. Parenthood isn't for everyone, and it most certainly is not for me.

Now, dykes, this last one is HUGE.

Absolutely, positively NO REPUBLICANS. Gay Republicans are fucking ridiculous. If you willfully associate with a party that actively works to deny you your basic human rights, you are an idiot, and I have no room in my life for idiots.

So, lesbos, those are my biggies. What are yours, and why? Tell me!