Evolving: What Lessons Will We Learn?

Happy Monday, lovelies! Firstly, I'd like to wish a belated 

to all  the dykelicious mommies among us. 

Hope it was a good one if you have kids, or if your relationship with your mother is a good one. If your situation is anything like mine, it was a trial at best, and you are probably breathing a 

that it is over until next year. However, I gotta say that our President's big announcement softened the GREAT GAY DEBATE in my favor. That's right, dykes, you heard me right. President Barack Obama finally

and came out in support of Marriage Equality this past week.

(as if you hadn't already heard).

Well, what did this mean for Shannon, you ask? Well, it might- notice I said might- mean that the tide is shifting in my favor where my mother is concerned. You see, dykes, for the longest,my mother was the world's biggest homophobe. She even once agreed with the likes of Maggie Gallagher

right in front of me, as we watched the news together. Times are a changin,' though. You see, my mother OMFG IDOLIZES our lovely President. So, in her eyes, even if she doesn't necessarily agree, she certainly takes a more tolerant stance. This is great news for me, because we were on the road to becoming COMPLETELY ESTRANGED

over this issue. It had really gotten to the point where I was just done, lesbos. Done with the lack of acceptance, done with the judgment, done with the religion, done with the willful ignorance. I was ready to walk out of here and never look back, for I refuse to live my life under the thumbs of people who will never love me as I am. However, President Obama rode in on his white horse

(of course it was a unicorn, we're GAY!)

and possibly saved not just the day, but our lives on this one. I hope his revelations had similar effects on other LGBT people struggling for acceptance from families.This will never be an easy issue, nor will it be one without pain. However, I hope it helps some of you at least remain on speaking terms with your relatives, rather than joining the growing number of Generation Xers who are cutting off all contact with their families. I know it  helped me, so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you Mr.President.

A Win For Bigotry: North Carolina Voters Pass Amendment 1

Ahoy, maties! Well,as I often say, this isn't a political blog, but we're sure as hell talking politics tonight. If you are reading this blog, you are more than likely LGBT or LGBT supporting, so it's time to get serious and listen up for a minute. Tonight, despite our best efforts to get the citizens of North Carolina to 

we lost. What they don't realize, though, is that the law of unintended consequences comes into play here. This law reaches far beyond effectively banning gay marriage, which was already illegal anyway, once and for all. It has consequences for all unmarried couples, heterosexual and homosexual alike. It even does the unthinkable and

because, now, to the state, unless they hit the chapel, their relationships are no longer recognized under the new law. This includes, but is not limited to, common law marriage, domestic partnerships, and civil unions.

It also ensures that unmarried women now have no basis to file 

cases against live- in abusive partners. It also means that families lose health benefits and any rights whatsoever- including children. In attempting to make something that was already illegal even more illegal (how the hell do you do that anyway?)  out of hate, North Carolinians have effectively hurt anyone in the state who is not married. Thanks a lot, you hateful, ignorant fucks. 

Live and let live, people. This and laws like it will not stand up in higher courts. All you are doing is wasting time and money. See

for Exhibit A on this issue. All the people who supported this lunacy have done is endanger the welfare of families around the state, the majority of which will turn out to be, via sheer force of numbers, gasp! HETEROSEXUAL.

How's that for irony? Lesson number 8,946,979 on how hate gets you nowhere. I know I am preaching to the choir here,dykes, but that's just a little run down on just what they've done here, in case you didn't know.

Remember,folks-

Homosexuality is not.

Psychic Vampires: Are Your Friendships Draining You?

Helloooo sweethearts! Hope you are all well. Y'all know I care about your well being, so today's post is on a topic that you might not even realize can be bad for you: Friends.

I know, I know. Shocking right? Perhaps even angering. At this very moment, you might even be raising your hackles,

ready to defend one or more of your besties to the death. And that is a good thing

                                       

and that reaction definitely puts you into the good friend category. Never a bad thing.

That being said, your being a good friend, does not necessarily mean that your friends are good friends to you. 

And this, queers,  brings me to the topic of today's title: 

Psychic Vampires.

These are the friends who are simply not a positive influence on your life, like it or not. They are terrible for your mental and emotional health. They evoke feelings of 

Anxiety and Depression

or perhaps they even drive you to things like

Excessive Drinking.

They may even Drain Your Finances

because they have no job or are too immature to give up a few luxuries in order to keep a few bucks, and they take advantage of your better money- managing skills, and constantly use you for the 

Handout

they have come to expect, or perhaps even feel entitled to.

Girly 'mos, y'all are all worldly and sophisticated women. You know this shit isn't good. That knowledge, however, does not always mean that we recognize these friendships for the toxic situations that they are. The good news is, though, that you have already, perhaps subconsciously, taken steps to 

the friends in your life who exhibit these and other toxic characteristics. However, you might not recognize it on a conscious level, so I'm gonna help ya out. Answer these questions, honestly, 'moelles, and read and heed the forthcoming advice.

1. Do I constantly have a reason why I have no time for this person,whether it is true or not?

2. Do I return from the dates I do keep feeling wiped out?

3. Is this person a strain on other aspects of my life, such as finances, other friendships, and romantic relationships?

4. Does the friendship feel one- sided, as if I am constantly expected to listen to her problems, but little or no reciprocation in support for mine is offered?

5. Is this person's life a mess, while mine is moving forward?

6. Is this person a drag to be around, constantly complaining, but making little or  no effort to improve her situation?

If you answered one or more of these questions in the affirmative, my homogays, chances are you are dealing with a psychic vampire. More than likely,how many "yes" answers you got is directly correlated to just how toxic this person is.

If you find you are dealing with a psychic vampire, be honest about your feelings. If she is a true friend, she will understand. If she doesn't, you're better off without her.

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 9: Where the Bois Are

Yo, girly 'mos! What's shakin'? Something jiggly on someone hot for you, I hope. Well, this week, we're gonna talk about a subculture of the lesbian subculture: 

BOIS.

You know. Studs. Butches. Andros. Masculine of center women loving women. Not only am I one of them, I love dating them, too. This is more than a little unconventional, as anyone reading this blog is probably well aware of. We are used to, most often, seeing 

Butch/Femme

pairings. This makes sense, as we all grew up around straight people, and our relationships, even though we are gay, often mimic what is largely considered to be the norm. Also, another common pairing one sees is

Femme/Femme

This is most likely due to the fact that your average horny, drooling straight guy

fetishizes femme women together via porn. 

So, dykes, where does that leave the rest of us? You know, us bois who love bois.

For some reason, even amongst other lesbians, we are left out in the cold. People say all kinds of things. We've all heard it.

"It doesn't look right."

"You should date a femme."

"Isn't that like dating a man?"

On and on. I get so sick of hearing it. Case in point: I am a stud. I am a boi. I am genderqueer. I bend. And I am attracted to other benders. Gimme a woman in a shirt and tie

over a girl in a dress any day. 

GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?

So, that's it in a nutshell, dykes. I am a boyish lessie who loves other boyish lessies. Hit me up if you know where the bois are.

Life Lesson: Having Standards is a GOOD THING!

Heya lovelies! So we meet again. Today, I have a lesson for you. It might be one you have already learned, it may be one you disagree with (though rest assured that if you disagree you ARE WRONG HERE), but no matter where you stand, I am going to teach it anyway. So, today, lovelies, we are going to talk about Boundaries.

We all have them. Those unspoken, unwritten lines that people are never to cross. Those positions that, when breached, mean that our relationships with the offending party are never quite the same again.

Well, all of y'all know that my biggest boundary is 

RELIGION.

That is something that I am never to be pushed on, ever. I know this, anyone who truly knows me knows this, and most people behave accordingly. The ones who haven't are hardly people I feel like having around much. 

However, despite how hard and steadfast that boundary and others I might have are, dykes, even I have a hard time sticking to my guns. One such instance happened on a new website, Shoe.org, the other night. The girl I was talking to was perfect in every way. Firstly, she was OMFG SMOKIN' HOT.

To make it even better, she was a Feminist like me

and even defended me in the chat room when the non feminist lesbians were mean to me.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, she told me she lives near my dream home of 

SUPER GAY SAN FRANCISCO!

Then, just when I thought I had found my match, she started judging me for not dating theists in private chat. All of a sudden, everything good went out the window as she became preachy and self- righteous, as is usually the hallmark of religious people. Suddenly, nothing else mattered. I knew she wasn't the one for me. It was that same sense of violation and resentment I felt when I finally opened my eyes in my last relationship.

Moral of the story, you ask, you dykedellic ladies?

No, for real. There is nothing wrong with having standards, girls. In fact, a girl with any self respect whatsoever doesn't settle. And, if you cannot agree on that particular point, remember this: If she breaches your boundaries at the outset, it means she has zero respect for how you feel, and it will continue. You'll  be a DOORMAT.

Believe me, you do not want that. And, if you do..well then there's probably not much hope for you. Don't ignore your boundaries, girl fags. You deserve respect. Demand it.

Series: Dykin' It Up:Episode 8: The Unconventionally Conventional Lesbian

Ya know, lovelies, we sure are having a lot of series posts lately, aren't we? But I think the last few have been wildly appropriate. At any rate, welcome to Episode 8! This is inspired by my now active quest for The Perfect Date.

Well, lesbos, it is no secret to anyone who knows me that Shannon has dated a literal PARADE of women over the years. But,alas, for one reason or another, none of these relationships were meant to be. So, after a little while, I decided to take time off from the dating scene and hit the books.

This served me well, because, other than a casual, on again off again situation of convenience and lots of reckless casual sex, I didn't have a girlfriend. I had time to figure out exactly what I wanted in a woman, and I did. Hence, I now have a totally honest and rad OKCUPID PROFILE.

Now, the profile is linked right there,ladies, for anyone single and on the prowl. *wink*

However, there is something that I have been doing wrong, even after figuring out what I want. I have been assuming that I am headed toward settled-ville, a la a 21st century lesbian version of Lloyd and June Cleaver from the old Leave It To Beaver show.

(closest I could find to a lesbian Lloyd and June so live with it)

While, yes, there are many lesbian couples who want the whole OMFG- house- with- a -white- picket- fence- with a 9-5 job and 2.5 kids and a dog....

I AM NOT ONE OF THEM.

In fact, the very idea makes me recoil in horror. Nope, I do not want a conventional lifestyle of imitation heterosexuality, lesbian style. The very idea makes me go

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

And run for the hills. Nope, not for Shannon, dykes. Wanna know what I do want? Well, whether  ya wanna know or not, I am going to tell you. I want, first of all, a gayborhood.

Yep, you heard me right. I'd much prefer a studio in the city surrounded by gay bars, coffee houses full of lesbians and vegan  eateries than a house in the 'burbs.

Also, I want a like- minded, stereotypical dyke. 

That's right! Someone who doesn't care about heteronormative living, but who will hang out with me in juice bars

Go to gay book stores

Talk Queer Feminist Politics

And just generally enjoy being queer in a queer environment sans all the wannabe straight BS that seems to be so prevalent these days. 

I want a sex positive, open to open relationships, out and proud, fight for our rights QUEER WOMAN, not an imitation heterosexual. 

So, there you have it, queermos. I finally found the missing piece to the puzzle of why things weren't working out. It was because I was trying to be conventional, when I am anything but. Or rather, I was trying to do heteronormative conventional, as many gays do. Hey, it works for some people, and I applaud anyone living their truth and their happiness. Fine for them. Not fine for me. I am an unconventionally conventional lesbian, and proud of it. 

HOORAY FOR SELF DISCOVERY!

Series: Dykin' It Up: Episode 7: The Later in Life Lesbian

Well, here's something a little different for the 7th installment in our Dykin' It Up series, 'mos. Today, we are going to talk about the Later In Life Lesbian.

Ok, dykes. I admit it. I rarely think of these lovely ladies who wait well into adulthood to come out. I am one of those authentic, born this way gays who couldn't fathom being with a man. To that end, the thought never crosses my  mind. I've dated three women who sorta kinda had this story, and all three times it was a disaster, so I wrote off the possibility of it working. However, a few days ago, a great, big, glaring light bulb came on.

(shocking I know)

I ran across a totally awesome blog by a truly rad later in life lesbian named Mary. She is the proprietor of Gay Girl Dating Coach, and this post grabbed me so much that I left several posts on her blog, as well as directed a couple of buddies in the same boat to her, and, of course, I am dedicating this post to her, because I think she offers a very healthy perspective on this issue. Most traditional, lifelong gays, including myself, have a hard time with dating someone whose story is so vastly different, and that's ok. As Mary says, we all take our own paths. However, there is a way to voice things without hurting others. Mary calls the dykes who turn their noses up in a rude way Mean Girls.

And, in a way, she is right. We traditional gays have a sense of what I like to call "gay elitism," simply because we knew earlier, and we are suspicious of those who do not fit. She spoke of a hurtful comment left where she was accused of being LESS OF A LESBIAN.

I was a bit taken aback at that, because, no matter the issues I might have dating wise, I know quite a few later in life lesbians who are just as dykey as I am, so this assertion based upon one's past is patently false. Moral of the story: we're all different. Don't hate. Don't judge. Just do you. We're all dykes, and we're all in this together.

And, oh yeah, her totally fab blog is going into my side bar here, so read it, dammit! And like her Facebook Page. You won't be sorry!