How Was Your Fourth of July?

Mine was..interesting, to say the least. First off it RAINED AND STORMED just as we were getting the grill going. 

As if that weren't bad enough, my uncle got ROARING DRUNK and passed out early. 

   So Mom was not a happy camper, because the one who was supposed to be helping her grill was passed out drunk, and she was stuck grilling in the rain alone, as there are very few people she trusts to help her grill. 

   

But, other than that, and the fact that everyone was starving and we didn't eat until OMFG OH DARK THIRTY (AKA 11 PM in this instance) the annual family fourth of July cook out went off without a hitch. A bit of a rarity for my family, but other than the general rowdiness that is to be expected at any gathering of extended family, it went just fine. So tell me, 'mos, how was YOUR Independence Day? 

You Might be a Dyke, But You're Still a Woman. Shave, Dammit!

Alright, ladygays, time for a little lesson. It might be an uncomfortable one, but it is more than necessary. Let's talk about hairy kitties.

(nope, no girl kitty pix, sorry!)

Ladies, come on now. Being a lesbian does NOT give you a license to avoid shaving. There's nothing worse than getting hot 'n' heavy, opening her pants, and seeing this horrifically large bush.

(you didn' t think I was gonna show a real bush, did you?)

C'mon now ladies, remember what your mamas taught you at puberty? Well you might not be trying to entice men like they were, but when it comes to body hair, the same rules apply. 

+

=

If you don't remember that, faggettes, you just might be going home with these.

(yes girls get them too!)

Remember, gurlfags, bare is beautiful.

Looking Forward To The Family BBQ- or NOT!

Ok, 'mosexuals, now that I have done the decent, diplomatic thing and done a sweet little blog post about how I am going to enjoy the holiday and appreciate this country even though I am not an equal citizen and blah blah blah...HERE IS THE REAL DEAL.

Instead of spending the holiday celebrating a country that doesn't give two shits about me, but expects me to care about it drinking with other pissed of queers like I should be, I am, instead, spending it at the annual family BBQ.

Now, ladies, you know I love my family. I really do. But they are the types of people who I can only take in OMFG SUPER DUPER SMALL DOSES. Especially when it comes to my extended family.

We are talking about an entire day and evening with bunches of OMFG SUPER DUPER RELIGIOUS SOUTHERN BAPTISTS....and me.

  

 I figure the only way to get through this event, dykes, is, of course, the old stand by:

BOOZE.

And lots of it. Hell, by the time this day is done, all you lucky 'mos who got to spend the holiday partying like normal young, single queers ought to pitch in and get me one of these.

Oughta be enough to keep me in a drunken stupor until I leave this place...or at least preserve my sanity through whatever family time I am forced to endure until then. 

Oh well, at least the food will be good! 

As will the entertainment, should Dad get drunk and try to use the grill and almost set himself on fire like he did last year.

(true story)

And hey, let's face it, despite our differences, they are still my family, and this is, quite possibly, the last time I will be in the same state that they are in for a major holiday, ever. As happy as I am about that, it is all so bittersweet, because it really should be different, right? Yup, I know I am right. So, I'll get drunk like good queers do on holidays, eat too much, and, most of all, control my temper and remember how lucky I am to have three living grandparents at the age of 30. Hope you guys have fun doing whatever it is you do. And, oh yeah, to those of you having better holidays than I am...Don't forget my booze,mmmk? Something tells me I'm gonna need it.

   

Happy Independence Day, Dykes!

Well, this great country of ours is 235 years old as of midnight! Ain't that somethin'? Admittedly I am not all that patriotic, considering the whole second class citizen thing and how pissed off I am about that. It is, however, a great excuse to party!

So put your party hats on, fire up the grill, booze it up, shoot those fireworks, and celebrate our nation's birthday in style! Happy Fourth of July 2011, Lesbians! 

And let's try not to be tooooo pissed off at our nation for at least one day, mmmmmk? Could be a lot worse. Happy Birthday, America!

Series: Debunking Dyke Myths

Myth #4: Butch Bois Will Not Date Other Bois

Alrighty, it is time for another installment of our favorite series, dykes! This time, we address an issue that is most definitely near and dear to my heart: the Boi/Boi Pairing.

Photo Credit: Queerstock

Now, ladygays, I am most definitely a boi whose head is turned by other bois. And I am unapologetically honest about this, too. Here lately, as I have sought out other boi loving bois, I have been successfully convinced that the Butch/Femme paradigm is just another silly dyke stereotype. 

Butches do not need to always go for Femmes. Sure, I'll look at something hot and dolled up on the beach.

Who wouldn't?

But at the end of the day, 'mos, that is just not what turns my head. In fact, I just joined an entire group of boi lovin' bois on Facebook. Nothing wrong with butch/femme.

But it hardly applies to all of us, contrary to popular belief. I don't know who made that *rule,* 'mosexuals, but I ain't following it. It was more than likely made up by straight people who are only comfortable with gay couples who present outward roles that mirror their own male/female relationships. Nine times out of ten, this just doesn't work for us! But don't get me started on THAT tangent, as you all know how I feel about the heteronormative gender binary by now. 

So, all you boi lovin' bois like me, come out of that closet!

Photo Credit Queerstock

Let the other butch bois who secretly love other bois but chase femmes to save face know that you are looking for them! Boi/Boi couples are hot, too. Break the rules, dykes! Bois, its time to find ourselves some boi lovin'.

We Can Get Married in the Empire State!

Get out your white silk tuxes and glittery bowties, because yet another state has done the right, just, and civil thing, coming into the twenty- first century and legalizing Marriage Equality for all, muh ladies! In a 33-29 victory, the New York State Senate voted to give us the same rights and protections that marriage offers the straights! Special thanks to the four Republicans who crossed party lines to help make this happen, and a very special thanks to Senator Mark Grisanti(R) for his most moving speech. Watch the video below. Couldn't ask for a better Gay Pride gift!

Debate: What Do We Call Our Totally Rad Straight Boys?

Well c - munchers, I am sure this is not the first time this debate has been opened, and I am sure it will not be the last. I was talking to some fellow boiz on Facebook earlier, and the topic came up of what to call our male buddies who happen to like like women, but are perfectly cool being just friends with lesbians.
Well, gay men have the Fag Hag.

Now, since this term has slowly but surely become synonymous with not straight girls who simply have gay guys as friends, but with slightly(or more than slightly) overweight, socially awkward, desperate straight women who just hang around a bunch of gays because they struck out with their own community socially and romantically, they have adopted an alternative term, the Fruit Fly.

This one tends to refer to the perfectly normal straight girls who happen to have a few gay men in their friend circle.

So what are we to call our straight guy friends, lesbos?

seems to be a somewhat acceptable term; there is even a column on AfterEllen entitled Lesbros. But it doesn't seem to have caught on with everyone like "Fag Hag" and "Fruit Fly" have for the straight women who latch on to gay men. Some people say "Fag Stag." But that doesn't make much sense, because that could easily be straight men who hang out with gay men(and more than likely is). One of the lovely bois in my new favorite Facebook group came up with "Stud Bud." 

So whataya think, dykes? I am sure our awesome straight boys are so sad that they don't have a special label.

So let's vote on a label for them! Lesbro, Stud Bud, Fag Stag, or anything else you'd like to consider! Let's give our boys a name!