OMFG Beach Hottie!

So, as you all well know, I am rounding up the last day of the annual family vacation. It's been OK, a little boring, but I also went off a few times and did my own thing to balance out the big dose of family. On one such outing, I met a "straight" girl in the lazy river. 

Let me tell ya, dykes, she was OMFG ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! But I know better. I swear I know better. Or do I?

Of course I do! But, the thing is, 'mos, SHE spoke to ME first! We were just floating there, in the lazy river with everyone else.

Then, she started talking to me, and Wouldn't STOP. Something tells me her gaydar went off!

So, of course, that meant that she latched on to me. But she also insisted that she is straight. However, her straightness and my gayness did not stop her from inviting me on a nighttime swim and a dip in the jacuzzi. 

I kept reminding myself how OMFG STRAIGHT she was, but she kept flirting. And we all know how much self control I have when it comes to pretty straight girls. Therefore, you can very well imagine what this led to. 

Now, ladyfags, I swore off straight girls a long time ago. Crushing on them and running after them never ends in anything but heartbreak. But...if she was so straight, would she have been hooking up with me? Things that make ya go hmmmm...

At any rate...who cares? A good hook up is the icing on the cake for the perfect gay beach vacay!

I'm Headed to the Beach, Dykes!

Well, my lovelies, it is that time of year again: the annual family beach trip.

Yup, once again, there will be these typical southerners, and ME.

And yes, that is a cigarette you see in my mouth, even though I supposedly quit smoking last week. Something tells me that oath simply cannot flourish on a family vacation.

But hey, look at it like this: it IS a week away from this shithole of a town, that school I loathe, and a change of pace. Plus, I might meet a chic for OMFG A TOTES HOT BEACH ROMANCE!

And let's face it, gurlfags, Shannon's schedule leaves little to no room for romance, so if I get a chance for a little somethin' on the side this week, you'll never hear me complain about family life again. I promise. Until next time. 

My Fat Lesbian Southern Summer is Officially Here!

Well, 'mos, it is after midnight, so that means that it is officially SUMMERTIME IN THE SOUTH. 

You wake up One day in mid- May to Early- June to find your grass dead and brown from the heat, your dog panting and miserable, and your own body soaked head to toe due to the lack of air conditioning in the night. Yup, dykes, it's summertime.

Now, despite the generally disgusting, sweaty, heat addled misery of a typical summer below the Mason Dixon Line, there are some pretty awesome things to look forward to: BBQ parties, Margaritas on deck at expensive restaurants...

But, we all know what the best part of summer is for ANY LESBO:

DYKES ON THE BEACH.

Now, while obviously filled with copious amounts of joy at the prospect of spending even a little time ogling hotties on the beach in summer, I am also swept with an enormous wave of panic. You see, 'mos, I don't look like the gorgeous, babelicious dykes in the photo above. 

I'm fat. No, really, I am. Nobody wants to see me in a bathing suit, and I sure as hell DO NOT want to be seen in one. You're talking to someone who doesn't even wear shorts in summer, in spite of the almost unbearable heat for several miserable months out of the year here. Seriously. So what's a girl to wear? 

Well, Lesbos, here is Shannon's beach uniform for the year:

Yep, you guessed it: Board Shorts.

You can bet your sweet bippy I won't be looking like this

In them though. Oh well. To complete the ensemble, is, of course, every lesbian's summer wardrobe staple, a white wife beater tank. 

Hey, it might not be typical female beachwear,dykes,but it isn't unusual for us, and, most importantly, I won't scare everyone off the beach. Happy First Day of summer, Lovely Lessies!