Monday, January 30, 2012

Series:Dykin' It Up: Episode 6: Coming Out

Yo Lesbos! Yup, you guessed it, time for another series post. Now, there have been many things we have discussed here, from homophobia to sex. However, it seems I have left out one of the most basic triumphs any LGBT person can achieve: 

Now, anyone who is here probably knows how hard coming out is, and we all  have our stories. Here is mine, and I'd like you to share yours as well, right in the comments!

I consider October 1,1996 to be my out date. But the thing is dykes, I didn't come out. I had the dreaded Involuntary Outing happen to me. It all started with a crush on a cheerleader.

Typical, I know. But my mistake was telling the wrong person, and have her tell the whole school. Needless to say, in a southern high school in the 90's, this meant that the rest of my high school life was a living hell. It even got so bad that kids threw eggs at me and screamed homophobic slurs. 

But, little did she know, that backstabbing ex- friend did me a favor. She outed me so that I wouldn't have to out myself. I've always been "clockable" as gay. And, while it has certainly not been smooth sailing, it is a whole lot easier to just tell people rather than having them whisper behind my back. I've been out and proud for 16 years now, and, despite the hardships, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Queer By Choice? I Don't Think So.

Alrighty, mighty 'mosexuals, here's something that is sure to make your hair blow back, no matter how much product you have in it today. 
Floating all over the internet the last couple of days have been posts regarding a most controversial statement made by one fading star of an actress, Cynthia Nixon. 

In a recent speech, which she called quote, "an empowerment speech to a gay audience," Ms. Nixon said the following:

"I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice.
I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.
As you can tell, I am very annoyed about this issue. Why can’t it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we’re just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don’t think that they should define the terms of the debate. I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn’t realize I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I’ve been out with."
Now, my fellow muff munchers, far be it from me to define anyone's sexual orientation for them, for, at the end of the day, that is up to the individual, and, more importantly, we should celebrate our queerness and our LGBT pride, no matter what form it might come in. But...needless to say, the steam is coming out of my ears on this one. Empowerment speech, she says?

As far as I am concerned, this was anything but empowering. Quite the opposite, in fact.
There is so much wrong with this bullshit, dykes, that I don't even know where to begin. 
Firstly, she just, from a platform for millions to listen to her spew the myth we have all worked so hard to get rid of, completely trivialized the struggles of those of us where were tortured, made to hate ourselves, made to think there was something wrong with us, and validated the viewpoints of people who wish to deny us our rights. We were BORN THIS WAY. 

And we have worked very hard to make sure the heteros understand this, and here comes this bitch destroying all that by opening her fat trap and spewing this false bullshit.


Secondly, if she can trot out this dangerous, antiquated load of crap and actually believe it, there is absolutely no fucking way this woman is a bonafide homosexual.

End of story. Because the very notion of *choosing* to be attracted to, date, have sex with, and marry someone of the same or opposite sex would sound, frankly crazy to anyone who is either straight or gay. This chic needs to wise up, realize her statements are dangerous and offensive to those of us who are actually gay, and stop speaking for a community to which she does not belong and stop co opting labels that are hardly hers to take. 

Wise up Cynthia. You're bisexual. That's totally cool. Embrace it and accept that you aren't gay.

And hey, look at it this way, you still get to be queer.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Yup, You Guys Guessed It. I'm Crazy.

And I don't mean in that OMFG THAT CHICK IS SOOO OUT THERE! way. I mean, like totes certifiable with the paperwork to prove it. You see, dykes, something I conveniently left out is that I have Type 1 Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder. 

And yes, it is more than just mood swings. I have the most severe kind, too, which means one moment I could be in the throes of almost delusional mania, and in a soul- crushing depression the next. 

And I have been this way for as long as I can remember.I have been in and out of hospitals for ten years, and I only fear it will get worse. Sometimes I wonder what kind of life this is dykes, because sometimes

Which is probably why I have attempted suicide 6 times in the last 15 years.

So I know I have the capacity for that kind of behavior, which is why I am telling you guys this,  something I never thought I'd write on this blog.

This week, some things happened that made my moods spin completely out of control. I actually thought of ending it all, then remembered that I purged all weapons from my possession.

I didn't trust myself after my last episode, so I got rid of them. I also have no drugs with any sort of lethal capacity.

As I am sure you can all imagine, I was OMFG WROUGHT WITH FRUSTRATION! at my inability to terminate my existence at once. No wonder they don't let crazy people have weapons and pills and shit. No telling what we might do. But, alas, this, too, passed.

So, for now, I put up with this and live to see another day. Hopefully, I continue to make it through an already difficult world with more burdens than many have to bear. Until then... Keep reading, 'mos. If anyone understands, I know it's my rainbow family. 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Homos, Homos, EVERYWHERE!

Well dykes, now that I have graduated, and have definite plans to move away from this homophobic southern hellhole, I am in limbo. I spend my days working back in the old school bookstore

while I wait to leave. 

Now, 'mos, as you can well guess, this environment, while far from a terrible job, is often a bastion of heteronormativity, which can be quite overwhelming for a dyke like me.
But, little did I know, yesterday, there was gasp! relief on the horizon. As I was busily stocking shelves and assisting customers, in walk these two adorable gay guys. 
It seemed that their gaydar went off with me immediately (as it almost always does when I encounter family), and they made an OMFG BEELINE FOR ME before another associate could approach them. They were soooo cute and sweet,and promised to ask for me when they returned. I looked happily after them as they left, with warm rainbow hearts in my eyes and a great warm fuzzy feeling that only other queers can give me.


As if that weren't enough of a treat, the cute little butch dyke that always asks to be waited on by me came in like an hour after my new gay boy pals! 

She's been coming in every semester asking me to collect her books for her since I've been working there. Of course, she, too, immediately felt that BLUE STREAK OF RECOGNITION that all queers feel when we encounter one of our own. She has the cutest green shamrock tattoo on her neck, and always has a kind word and a smile for me, and lets me know she knows with her smile and her wink(not to mention the double venus necklace).
Of course, she's a baby dyke, and even if I were single(happily, I am not!) I wouldn't date her. But, once again, it's refreshing to find a little gay even in the straightest of environments.

Here's to making life more bearable in hetero land. 


Sunday, January 8, 2012

Gay vs Black: Which Side Will Win?

And no, my fellow munchers, I am not talking about the two groups themselves. I am talking about the two parts of my own identity. You see, 'mosexuals, there isn't a whole lot about me that most members of the mainstream African American community generally approve of. For one thing, I am an Atheist. 

That never goes over well with my Black church loving counterparts, so, unless my hand is forced, I keep it to myself in said environments. So, you can all imagine how totally rad I thought it was when I discovered that there was OMFG A BLACK ATHEISTS GROUP ON FACEBOOK!

But alas, my joy wound up being rather short- lived. You see, dykes, it turns out that everything that always made me feel like an outcast in mainstream African- American culture- my gayness, my disdain of rigid gender roles and the general acceptance of misogyny- made me just as much of an outcast there. It was exactly the same, minus the heavy emphasis on Christianity. And the worst part,dykes, was that there were even people suggesting that being a homosexual is...wait for it... gasp! a choice! As you can imagine, I saw absolute red at this particular piece of ignorance.

So, in the end, I wound up getting into the same heated debate with this bunch of ignorant heterosexuals that I always do with their religious counterparts, ultimately resulting in my exiting the group.

You see dykes, I am a quintuple minority.I am gay, black, atheist,female- bodied, and genderqueer. Oftentimes, I wind up shying away from one of my minority groups due the fact that there is general prejudice from that group against one or more of the other groups I belong to. To that end, I sometimes wind up forsaking one group for another, based upon which one gives me the least grief. Let me tell ya, I absolutely have never faced real racism from the gay community, but I sure as hell face plenty of homophobia, transphobia(I'm genderqueer), and misogyny from the African American community. So for now.. Queers 1, Blacks nil. I know how ugly and un- PC this sounds...but it's where I am at right now. Sometimes making choices means foregoing usual tact and doing what is best for us at the moment.